21 Essential Child Custody Hearing Questions: A Strategic Guide for Protecting Your Family’s Future
By Jack Kent, Esq. | Updated January 2025
When facing a child custody hearing, the unknown can feel overwhelming. As a family law attorney with over two decades of experience, I understand that behind every question asked in court lies a parent’s deepest fear: Will I lose precious time with my child?
The reality is that preparation—not perfection—is your greatest ally. Courts don’t expect flawless parents; they seek parents who demonstrate genuine commitment to their child’s wellbeing and the wisdom to prioritize stability over conflict.
Let me guide you through the 21 most common questions judges ask, along with strategic insights to help you navigate this challenging time with confidence and clarity.
Financial Stability Questions
1. “What is your current financial position?”
What the court really wants to know: Can you provide a stable foundation for your child’s needs—today and tomorrow?
Strategic approach: Present a complete financial picture that demonstrates responsibility, not wealth. Courts recognize that financial circumstances change, but they value transparency and planning.
Action step: Prepare a simple budget showing income, essential expenses, and child-related costs. If money is tight, highlight your resourcefulness and support systems rather than making excuses.
2. “What is your employment status?”
What the court really wants to know: Will you maintain consistent income to support your child’s needs?
Strategic approach: Emphasize stability and growth potential. If you’re between jobs, demonstrate active job-seeking efforts and interim income sources.
Action step: Bring documentation of employment history, any benefits, and if applicable, professional development plans that show career progression.
3. “Do you have a consistent source of income?”
What the court really wants to know: Can your child count on you for reliable financial support?
Strategic approach: Focus on income patterns over time, not just current numbers. If income varies (self-employment, commission-based), show your average earnings and financial planning methods.
Action step: Create a 12-month income summary showing your ability to budget and plan despite variations.
Custody Arrangement Questions
4. “What type of custody arrangement do you believe serves your child’s best interests?”
What the court really wants to know: Are you thinking about your child’s needs or your own desires?
Strategic approach: Base your answer on your child’s specific needs, age, school schedule, and relationships—not on “winning” against your ex-spouse.
Action step: Research age-appropriate custody arrangements and be prepared to explain why your proposed schedule supports your child’s routine and development.
5. “Why do you believe your proposed custody arrangement is best for your child?”
What the court really wants to know: Can you articulate child-focused reasoning rather than parent-focused complaints?
Strategic approach: Cite specific benefits: proximity to school, maintaining friendships, consistency with current routines, or accommodating special needs.
Action step: Prepare 3-4 concrete examples of how your arrangement supports your child’s daily life and long-term development.
Parenting Plan & Communication Questions
6. “Do you have a parenting plan in place?”
What the court really wants to know: Have you thought beyond the emotional aspects to practical co-parenting logistics?
Strategic approach: Even informal agreements demonstrate your commitment to cooperation. If no plan exists, show you’ve researched effective co-parenting strategies.
Action step: Draft a preliminary parenting plan covering major decisions (education, healthcare, religion) and daily logistics (transportation, communication methods).
7. “How do you communicate with the other parent?”
What the court really wants to know: Can you maintain a business-like relationship focused on your child’s needs?
Strategic approach: Emphasize respectful, child-centered communication. If communication is difficult, show your efforts to improve it through counseling, apps, or structured methods.
Action step: Consider using co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard or Talking Parents to create a positive communication record.
8. “How often do you communicate with the other parent?”
What the court really wants to know: Are you committed to keeping your co-parent informed about important matters?
Strategic approach: Focus on quality over quantity. Regular updates about school, health, and activities matter more than daily check-ins.
Action step: Establish a communication schedule that ensures both parents stay informed without creating unnecessary conflict.
9. “How do you resolve disagreements about your child?”
What the court really wants to know: Can you problem-solve without involving the court system repeatedly?
Strategic approach: Demonstrate conflict resolution skills: listening, compromising, seeking guidance from professionals when needed.
Action step: Consider taking a co-parenting class or engaging a family counselor to develop better communication strategies.
Living Situation & Stability Questions
10. “Where are you currently living, and what are your living arrangements?”
What the court really wants to know: Can you provide a safe, stable home environment for your child?
Strategic approach: Focus on safety, space for your child, proximity to school and activities, and long-term housing stability.
Action step: Prepare photos and documentation showing your child’s living space and the neighborhood’s family-friendly features.
11. “Do you have plans to relocate?”
What the court really wants to know: Will you disrupt your child’s established support systems and routines?
Strategic approach: If relocation is necessary, demonstrate how you’ll minimize disruption and maintain the other parent’s relationship with your child.
Action step: If planning to move, research schools, activities, and visitation logistics in the new location.
Relationship & Involvement Questions
12. “How much time do you currently spend with your child?”
What the court really wants to know: What role do you play in your child’s daily life?
Strategic approach: Provide specific examples of regular activities, bedtime routines, school involvement, and special traditions you share.
Action step: Keep a detailed log of time spent with your child, including quality activities and daily care responsibilities.
13. “How would you describe your relationship with your child?”
What the court really wants to know: Do you have a genuine emotional bond with your child?
Strategic approach: Share specific examples of your connection: inside jokes, comfort routines, shared interests, or how your child seeks you out for support.
Action step: Gather photos, school projects, or notes that demonstrate your close relationship and your child’s comfort with you.
14. “What role do you play in your child’s daily life?”
What the court really wants to know: Are you an active, involved parent or a visitor in your child’s life?
Strategic approach: Highlight your involvement in education, healthcare, social activities, and character development—not just fun activities.
Action step: Document your participation in parent-teacher conferences, medical appointments, sports/activities, and daily caregiving tasks.
15. “How often do you communicate with your child when they’re not with you?”
What the court really wants to know: Do you maintain connection and show interest in your child’s daily experiences?
Strategic approach: Demonstrate appropriate contact that respects both your child’s schedule and the other parent’s time while maintaining your bond.
Action step: Establish reasonable communication routines (bedtime calls, homework check-ins) that your child enjoys.
Co-Parent Relationship Questions
16. “How would you describe your relationship with the other parent?”
What the court really wants to know: Can you separate your feelings about your ex-spouse from your co-parenting responsibilities?
Strategic approach: Be honest but diplomatic. Acknowledge challenges while showing your commitment to working together for your child’s sake.
Action step: Focus on co-parenting strengths and your willingness to improve problem areas through counseling or mediation.
17. “How would you describe the other parent’s relationship with your child?”
What the court really wants to know: Can you support your child’s relationship with both parents?
Strategic approach: Acknowledge the other parent’s positive qualities and their importance in your child’s life, even if you have personal conflicts.
Action step: Prepare honest examples of the other parent’s strengths while being factual about any genuine concerns that affect your child’s wellbeing.
Conflict Resolution Questions
18. “Are there ongoing disputes between you and the other parent?”
What the court really wants to know: How do conflicts affect your child, and what are you doing to minimize them?
Strategic approach: Be honest about disagreements while emphasizing your efforts to resolve them maturely and shield your child from conflict.
Action step: Document your attempts at resolution: mediation efforts, counseling, or professional guidance sought.
19. “When disagreements arise about your child, how do you handle them?”
What the court really wants to know: Do you have healthy conflict resolution skills that protect your child from adult problems?
Strategic approach: Demonstrate your commitment to child-focused solutions, whether through direct discussion, mediation, or professional guidance.
Action step: Develop a conflict resolution plan with specific steps you’ll take before involving the court system.
Child-Centered Questions
20. “How strong is the bond between you and your child?”
What the court really wants to know: Is your relationship with your child genuine, secure, and beneficial to their development?
Strategic approach: Share specific examples of your emotional connection: how your child seeks comfort from you, shared experiences, or traditions unique to your relationship.
Action step: Consider asking your child’s teacher, counselor, or pediatrician to observe and potentially testify about your bond with your child.
21. “What arrangements do you believe would be in your child’s best interests?”
What the court really wants to know: Can you put your child’s needs above your own desires and emotions?
Strategic approach: Base your answer on your child’s specific needs, temperament, school schedule, friendships, and developmental requirements—not on maximizing your time or minimizing your ex’s.
Action step: Research child development experts’ recommendations for custody arrangements appropriate for your child’s age and circumstances.
Your Path Forward: Strategic Preparation Tips
1. Document Everything Thoughtfully
Keep records that demonstrate your involvement and commitment, but avoid obsessive documentation that shows you’re more focused on “building a case” than being a parent.
2. Seek Professional Guidance Early
Consider family counseling, co-parenting classes, or mediation before litigation escalates. Courts appreciate parents who seek help proactively.
3. Focus on Solutions, Not Blame
Prepare answers that highlight your problem-solving abilities and commitment to cooperation rather than cataloging your ex’s faults.
4. Practice Child-Centered Thinking
Before every decision, ask: “How does this serve my child’s best interests in the long term?”
5. Build Your Support Network
Surround yourself with professionals and family members who can provide practical help and emotional support during this transition.
Remember: This Is About Building Your Child’s Future
The questions asked in custody hearings aren’t designed to trip you up—they’re meant to help the court understand how to create the most stable, loving environment for your child. By preparing thoughtfully and answering honestly, you’re not just navigating a legal process; you’re laying the foundation for your family’s future.
Your child needs both parents to succeed. The goal isn’t to “win” against your ex-spouse but to create an arrangement where your child thrives. When you approach custody proceedings with this mindset, you’re already demonstrating the wisdom and maturity courts seek in effective co-parents.
Take the next step: Schedule a consultation with an experienced family law attorney who can help you prepare strategically while keeping your child’s best interests at the heart of every decision.
Jack Kent, Esq., is a family law attorney with over 20 years of experience helping families navigate custody proceedings with dignity and success. His approach emphasizes collaborative solutions that prioritize children’s wellbeing while protecting parents’ rights.
The aim of this article is to help you prepare for the child custody battle, to understand what you may come across, and to help you stay organized and have a grasp of what the judge might ask in the process.
