Managing a Child’s Education in Child Support and Parenting Plans: Tips and Strategies

School goes smoothest after a separation when two documents spell it out. The parenting plan should say who makes school decisions, how you share information, and how the school week works across two homes. The support order should say who pays for the school costs the basic support amount doesn’t cover, from tuition and tutoring to, in some states, college. Most of the fights parents have about school come from one of those two documents being silent.

Below is what to put in each, what the law usually gives both parents no matter what the plan says, and where the rules really do differ from state to state.

Start with who decides

Most states split custody into two parts: where the child lives (physical custody or parenting time) and who makes the big decisions (legal custody or decision-making). School choice, special education and tutoring usually fall under decision-making.

If you share legal custody, you’re both expected to agree on major school decisions. If one parent has sole legal custody, that parent decides, though many plans still require them to tell the other parent first. Some states make you address education directly. Washington, for example, requires every permanent parenting plan to allocate decision-making for education, health care and religious upbringing to one or both parents. Check your state’s rules for the terms it uses and what a plan must include.

Joint decision-making works only if the plan says what happens when you don’t agree. Common tie-breakers:

• One parent has final say on education after a real attempt to agree (say, a written proposal and 14 days to respond).
• You go to a mediator before either of you can file in court.
• A parenting coordinator, where your state uses them, makes a recommendation or decision.
• The current school stays in place until you agree or a judge rules.

That last one matters more than it sounds. Without it, whoever enrolls the child first in August can set the status quo, and a judge may be reluctant to move a child mid-year.

What to write into the parenting plan

A plan that just says “the parents will cooperate on education” gives you nothing to point to when things go wrong. Specifics hold up better. Cover these:

• Which school, and what changes it. Name the school or district. Say what happens if either parent moves: does the child stay put, or does the plan get revisited? School districts set their own enrollment and residency rules, so ask the district how it handles a child who lives in two homes.
• School contacts. Both parents listed on enrollment forms and emergency cards, both signed up for the school’s app or parent portal, both on teacher email lists.
• Conferences and events. Do you attend together, or does each parent book their own conference? Either works if it’s written down.
• The school calendar. Which parent has the child on teacher workdays, snow days, half days and school breaks. Holiday schedules often cover Thanksgiving and winter break but forget the random Monday off in February.
• Homework and routines. Who checks the planner, where the shared supplies live, and a rough bedtime on school nights in both homes.
• Activities. Whether one parent can sign the child up for something that falls on the other parent’s time, and who pays.
• Testing and evaluations. Whether either parent can request a special-education evaluation, tutoring assessment or counseling through the school.

If you already have a plan that leaves these out, you can often add them by agreement and file the change with the court. If you can’t agree, see when you can change the terms of a parenting plan.

School records: both parents usually get them

The federal Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) gives custodial and noncustodial parents the same right to see a child’s education records. That right holds unless the school has been given a court order, state law or other legally binding document that specifically provides to the contrary. The school may ask either parent for proof, such as a birth certificate or the custody order.

Two things FERPA doesn’t do. It doesn’t decide who can pick the child up from school, which is set by the custody order and school policy. And it doesn’t make the school send everything to both homes automatically. If you want duplicate report cards or newsletters, ask the front office in writing and keep a copy.

FERPA covers records. Your right to know about the rest of your child’s life, like where they are during the other parent’s time, comes from your order and state law. Here’s more on what each parent is entitled to know.

Special education and IEPs

Under the federal special-education law (IDEA), a child’s biological or adoptive parent is presumed to be the “parent” for consent and IEP decisions. The exception: if a court order names a specific person to make educational decisions, that person is treated as the parent for IDEA purposes.

So read your order. If it gives one parent sole educational decision-making, the school may need only that parent’s consent. If it’s joint, the school will generally work with both of you. Either way, both parents can usually attend IEP meetings and see the records. If you and your co-parent disagree about an evaluation or a placement, that’s a decision-making dispute, and your tie-breaker clause is where it goes first.

Who pays for what

Basic child support is meant to cover a child’s everyday costs, and in most homes that includes ordinary school things like lunches and backpacks. The bigger costs are often handled separately, and how depends on your state’s guidelines.

Washington is a clear example. Its support law says tuition and long-distance travel for visits are not included in the basic support table; parents share them in the same proportion as basic support. Other states handle private school, tutoring or extracurriculars as add-ons, as a reason to deviate from the guideline amount, or only by agreement. Check your state’s child support guidelines for how it treats each one.

Whatever your state does, the order or agreement should answer:

• Which costs are shared: private or charter tuition, tutoring, school trips, sports fees, instruments, summer programs, a laptop the school requires.
• The split, as a percentage. Many parents use the same income ratio as the support calculation.
• Whether one parent can commit the other to a cost, or whether costs over a set amount (say, $200) need written agreement first.
• How reimbursement works: a receipt sent within a set number of days, and payment within a set number of days after that.

Vague clauses like “the parents will share reasonable educational expenses” are the ones that end up in court, because nobody agrees on what “reasonable” covered.

College: the rules vary more than anywhere else

There’s no federal rule that divorced parents must pay for college. Some states let a judge order it. Illinois has a statute that lets courts divide college expenses between parents (750 ILCS 5/513). New York lets courts order contributions to college costs, and support there generally runs to age 21. Other states give judges no such power. Pennsylvania’s Supreme Court struck down its college support law in Curtis v. Kline (1995), though Pennsylvania courts will still enforce a college clause that parents put in their own settlement agreement.

That last point is the useful one. If you and your co-parent want to share college costs, put it in writing while your child is young: which costs count (tuition, housing, books, fees), whether there’s a cap (some agreements use in-state public tuition as the yardstick), how scholarships and the student’s own earnings are counted, and how long it lasts. Then check with a lawyer in your state about whether the clause will hold up.

Also know how financial aid sees a divorced family. On the FAFSA, when parents are divorced, separated or never married and don’t live together, the parent who gave the student more financial support over the past 12 months is the one who reports, not necessarily the parent the student lives with. If support was equal, it’s the parent with the higher income and assets. If that parent has remarried, the stepparent’s information is included too. The Federal Student Aid guide for parents walks through it.

Making school work across two homes

The legal pieces set the rules. These keep the week running:

• One shared calendar for tests, project due dates, picture day and early release. A free shared calendar app is enough.
• A folder that travels. Signed forms and graded work go back and forth in the backpack, not through the child’s memory.
• Homework belongs to the home where it’s due. If a project is due Monday and the child switches houses Sunday night, agree on who’s handling it by Friday.
• Talk to each other, not through the child. “Tell your mom you need $40 for the field trip” puts a 9-year-old in the middle of a money conversation.
• Same basic rules. Homework before screens, a similar school-night bedtime. They don’t need to match exactly. Close is enough.
• Keep reading over breaks. Summer weeks with the other parent are a good time for library cards and a reading list. Here are more ideas for summer parenting time.

Teachers and school counselors notice when a child is struggling with the switch between homes. If grades slip after a move or schedule change, ask for a short meeting with both parents. Most schools would rather hear from you early.

When one parent ignores the plan

If your co-parent enrolls the child in a new school without the agreement your plan requires, stops taking the child to school on their days, or won’t pay their share of an agreed cost, write down what happened, keep the emails, and raise it in writing first. If that doesn’t work, the order can be enforced through the court that issued it. More on that in what to do when a parenting plan is violated.

A quick checklist

• Your order says who makes education decisions, and what happens if you disagree.
• Both parents are on the school’s contact list and parent portal.
• The school calendar (breaks, teacher days, snow days) is assigned in the plan.
• Shared school costs are listed, with a percentage split and a reimbursement deadline.
• If your child has or may need an IEP, you know which parent the order gives decision-making to.
• If college matters to you, there’s a written agreement, checked against your state’s law.

This article is general information, not legal advice. Custody and support laws vary by state, so check your state’s rules or talk with a family law attorney about your situation.

Related: How a Child Custody Case Can Be Stopped