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Preparing for Court

How social media posts get used against parents in custody cases

Learn how posts, photos and messages get used in custody cases, why deleting can backfire, and how to protect your child while the case is open.

Best for the Children Editorial·8 min read·October 17, 2026

It's late, the kids are at the other house, and you're scrolling. Someone posts about the "perfect co-parent," and you start typing a reply about what your ex actually did this week. Stop there. In a custody dispute, that comment, along with your photos, your check-ins and your private messages, can be printed out, put in a binder and handed to a judge. Here's how that happens, what lawyers look for, why deleting in a panic can backfire, and how to protect your child's peace while the case goes on.

How posts end up in court

Judges decide custody based on the "best interests of the child," and they can consider any evidence that's properly admitted. That includes social media. Family lawyers have used material from Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, Twitter (now X), blogs and comments in online forums.

Getting it there is easy. The other parent, or their lawyer, takes a screenshot or prints the page. It might come from your profile, from a friend's page where you left a comment, or from a message you sent. One Virginia family law firm tells its clients to assume the other side and their attorney may print anything they post and use it.

This isn't new. Back in 2010, a survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 81% of divorce lawyers had seen more social networking evidence over the previous five years. Facebook was a main source for 66% of them, MySpace for 15% and Twitter for 5%. Those numbers are old and the platforms have changed. Lawyers using your posts hasn't.

Privacy settings won't protect you. Family law firms are clear that a "friends only" post isn't private. Mutual friends, relatives and old screenshots all leak. Anyone who can see a post can save it.

What judges and lawyers look for

From our years around family court, and from lawyers on both sides, the posts that do damage tend to be the same few kinds:

  • Insulting the other parent. Name-calling, mocking, or "you won't believe what my ex did."
  • Venting about the case. Complaining about the judge, the evaluator or the schedule.
  • Drinking and party photos. These matter most when the timing suggests the kids were around. Think of a Halloween party photo on a weekend you had the children.
  • Drug references, including jokes.
  • Anything that reads as a threat, even if you meant it as blowing off steam.
  • Spending. If child support is in dispute, a vacation, a new truck or expensive gifts can be used to question what you claim you can afford.
  • New-relationship announcements, especially ones that bring a new partner into the children's lives before anyone has talked about it.

Older court decisions show how this plays out. Treat them as examples, not current law. In a 2011 New York Family Court case, Elissa N. v. Ian B., a mother had repeatedly attacked the father on Facebook and a blog. Those posts weren't the main evidence, but they supported the finding that she was the less fit parent. The same year, in In re C.C., a California appeals court counted a father's Facebook activity against his mental stability and fitness and warned him not to discuss the case there. In Goedelman v. Wilmont, an Illinois appeals court admitted a mother's Facebook photos of her son and posts about her fears of abuse. The father got sole custody after the court found she believed abuse was happening without any objective evidence of it.

Remember, too, that tone doesn't print. Sarcasm, inside jokes and context disappear on paper. A post can be pulled out of context to suggest poor spending, drinking around the kids or a short temper.

Posts are not automatically proof

That doesn't mean a single screenshot decides a case.

The side offering a post may have to show it's real and that you actually wrote it. Accounts get shared, faked and hacked, and screenshots can be edited. Your lawyer can push back on evidence that hasn't been properly shown to be genuine.

Courts have also been willing to shrug off posts that are ordinary, or that are not great but minor. In Gillum v. Gillum, a 2011 Ohio appeals case, the court called a father's MySpace content problematic but not serious enough to change custody. In In re Marriage of Brechwald, decided in Iowa that same year, a mother objected to the father posting photos of their daughters and dating women he met online. The court found it harmless.

So a normal life online isn't the problem. Photos from a pumpkin patch or a soccer game won't sink you. What hurts is a pattern that tells the judge something about your judgment, your temper or how you treat the other parent. Judges look at the whole picture, and you have more control over that picture than you might think.

Don't delete in a panic

When parents realize what's on their pages, the first impulse is often to wipe everything. Don't do it yet.

Deleting can look like hiding something. A Texas family law firm warns that deleted content may be treated like an admission. And once a case is underway, deleting can bring court penalties. Rules differ by state. In Illinois, for example, Supreme Court Rule 219(c) allows sanctions when a party, acting in bad faith, destroys evidence they knew or should have known mattered to the case. An Illinois family law article put the advice simply: "do not delete it before contacting your attorney."

Lester v. Allied Concrete, a Virginia case from 2011, shows how badly this can go. It wasn't a custody case. It was a wrongful-death lawsuit. Facebook photos were deleted, the deletion was kept from the court, and the plaintiff and his lawyer were ordered to pay $722,000. Family court is a different setting, but the lesson carries over: courts take hidden or destroyed evidence seriously.

Before you remove anything, talk to your lawyer. They may tell you to save a copy, change your settings, or leave things as they are. Then check the rules in your own state.

What to do instead

The safest approach is the simplest one. Post much less, or take a break.

  • Pause or go quiet. Both of the law firms quoted above advise avoiding posts during the case, and a full break if you can manage it.
  • Never discuss the case or the other parent. No hints and no vague "some people" posts. Everyone knows who you mean.
  • Watch the edges. Tags, comments on other people's pages, direct messages and texts can all be used. Untag yourself from photos you wouldn't want a judge to see, and ask friends to check with you before tagging you.
  • Mind your circle. A new partner's posts count too. In a support dispute, a partner showing off a gift you bought can be used against you. A partner posting about "our family" before the kids have really met them can hurt in a custody dispute, and it can hurt the kids.
  • Keep children's content minimal. Holiday photos are fine. Running commentary on your kids' behavior, health or feelings about the other house is not.
  • Assume anything can be printed. Before you post, picture the judge reading it aloud in court.

The bigger reason is your child. Kids find things. A classmate shows them a post, a cousin forwards it, or they read it years later. If you write about their other parent, they will eventually see it. Children have told us how much it hurts to see a parent they love mocked in public. That hurt doesn't go away when the case ends. With Thanksgiving coming, a quiet feed is one of the easiest gifts you can give them.

When your child's accounts are involved

Kids post too, and their posts have sometimes been submitted as evidence. A teenager's sad message, a photo from one parent's house or a comment about the other parent can end up in the case file.

Courts can also make parents responsible for what happens online. In Bemis v. Bemis, a 2011 Connecticut case, the court required each parent to review their 14-year-old daughter's Facebook page every week. That's one example, and courts handle this differently. Ask your own lawyer how your state treats children's accounts.

Whatever the rules are, don't use your child's account to gather evidence. Don't ask them to post, delete or report anything. Your job is to keep them safe online, not to turn them into a witness.

Sources (7)

Photo by Erik_Lucatero on Pixabay.

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