Holiday Schedules That Work for Kids in Two Homes

The holiday schedules that work for kids are the boring ones: each holiday has a start time, an end time, an exchange spot, and a rule for which parent has it in even years and which in odd years. Kids handle two homes at the holidays far better than they handle not knowing where they’ll wake up on Christmas morning, or hearing their parents argue about it in the driveway.

October is the time to settle it. Halloween is at the end of this month, Thanksgiving falls on the fourth Thursday of November, and winter break follows a few weeks later. Here’s how to read what your order already says, pick a schedule, and write it so it holds up in December.

Start with what your order already says

If you have a custody order or parenting plan, read the holiday section tonight. Many orders already decide Thanksgiving and winter break, and many say the holiday schedule overrides the regular weekly schedule. That means your usual weekend may disappear when it lands on the other parent’s holiday.

Two state defaults show how detailed these get:

• Indiana‘s Parenting Time Guidelines say the holiday schedule “shall take precedence” over regular and extended parenting time. If a parent misses a regular weekend because it’s the other parent’s holiday, that weekend is lost. If a holiday gives one parent two weekends in a row, that parent gets the third one too.
• Texas‘s Standard Possession Order splits Christmas break at noon on December 28 and alternates Thanksgiving by odd and even years. Those holiday periods replace the regular weekend and Thursday times.

Other states use different defaults, and plenty of orders were written by the parents themselves. Check your state’s rules and your own order. If you don’t have an order yet, the samples below give you a starting point to bring to the other parent or to mediation.

Four holiday schedules that work

1. Alternate by year

Each parent gets a holiday in full, and it switches every year. It’s the most common setup because it’s simple and fair over time.

• Even years: Parent A has Thanksgiving; Parent B has Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
• Odd years: Parent B has Thanksgiving; Parent A has Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

The catch is that each parent spends some holidays alone. Plan something for those years before they arrive.

2. Split the day

The child sees both parents on the holiday itself. This works when the homes are close, ideally under 30 minutes apart.

• Christmas Eve 6 p.m. to Christmas Day noon: Parent A.
• Christmas Day noon to December 26 at 6 p.m.: Parent B.
• Switch the halves each year so each parent gets Christmas morning every other year.

Splitting gets hard with long drives or very young kids who nap. Two big meals and a car ride in one day is a lot for a four-year-old.

3. Split the break

Instead of splitting the day, split winter break into halves. Indiana’s guidelines do this: in even years one parent has the first half and the other the second, and it flips in odd years. If Christmas doesn’t fall in your half, you get noon to 9 p.m. on Christmas Day.

It gives each parent real stretches of time, which helps if one of you travels to see family.

4. Fixed holidays

Some families give each parent the same holiday every year. One parent always has Thanksgiving, the other always has Christmas Eve. It works well when each side has a tradition that matters more to them than the other holiday does.

If you live far apart, see the long-distance section below. For how the holiday plan fits around the regular rotation, see our 50/50 schedule with infographics.

The season, holiday by holiday

Halloween

Halloween is short, so most families either alternate the evening by year or let the child trick-or-treat in one neighborhood and stop by the other home. Indiana’s default is 6 to 9 p.m., or whatever time matches trick-or-treating where that parent lives. Settle the costume, who buys it and where it lives that week. More in Halloween in two homes: whose night is it?

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is always the fourth Thursday of November, so you can plan years ahead. Decide whether “Thanksgiving” means just Thursday or the whole long weekend. Indiana’s default runs Wednesday 6 p.m. to Sunday 6 p.m. Texas runs from when school lets out to 6 p.m. Sunday. If your order just says “Thanksgiving,” write down which one you both mean.

Winter break

Define the break by the school calendar, not by dates. “From when school lets out until 6 p.m. the day before school resumes” works every year. December 20 to January 3 doesn’t. Indiana’s guidelines go further and say which school calendar counts when kids are in different programs.

Then settle Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the exchange time in between. Indiana doesn’t treat New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day as separate holidays, but many families do. Put it in writing either way.

Holidays with moving dates

Hanukkah, Diwali, Eid al-Fitr, Lunar New Year and Easter land on different dates each year. Name the holiday in the plan (“the first night of Hanukkah,” “Easter weekend, Friday 6 p.m. to Sunday 6 p.m.”) and look up the dates together each fall. Indiana’s guidelines say parents should consider religious holidays and add them to the schedule.

Birthdays, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

Decide whether these override the regular schedule. The Texas and Indiana defaults both give Mother’s Day weekend to the mother and Father’s Day weekend to the father, regardless of whose weekend it is. For the child’s birthday, many families give the other parent a few hours or alternate years.

The details that prevent December fights

• Exact times. “Christmas” isn’t a time. “December 24 at 6 p.m.” is.
• Exchange spot and driver. Who drives, where you meet, and what you do if roads are bad. Agree in advance that a snowstorm moves the exchange to the next safe morning, and the lost hours are made up.
• Travel notice. How many days’ notice for an out-of-town trip, and what itinerary you’ll share: dates, address and a phone number.
• Passports. For a child under 16, both parents usually have to consent to a U.S. passport. If one parent can’t go to the appointment, they sign a notarized Form DS-3053. Start early if you’re traveling abroad over break.
• Lost and makeup time. Decide whether a missed weekend gets made up. Indiana says it doesn’t. Your order may say something else.
• Gifts. Whether big gifts come from both parents, and whether gifts can travel between homes. Kids hate being told a new bike has to stay at one house.
• Calls on the day. A set time for the child to call the other parent on Christmas or Thanksgiving, short and pleasant.
• Childcare. If you’ll be working during your holiday time, say whether the other parent gets first chance before a sitter.

Long-distance holidays

When parents live far apart, splitting the day stops working. Most long-distance plans give the distant parent bigger blocks instead: the full Thanksgiving week, or most of winter break, with the other parent keeping Christmas morning in alternate years.

Spell out who pays for travel, who flies with a young child, and where the handoff happens. Airlines set their own rules for kids flying alone, including age limits and fees, so check with the airline before you book. For international moves and travel, see custody when parents live in different countries.

Match the schedule to the child’s age

Babies and toddlers do best with short gaps between parents and their normal nap and bedtime. A schedule that keeps a two-year-old in a car for three hours on Christmas afternoon helps nobody.

School-age kids want to know the plan ahead of time and like having traditions in both homes. Teenagers have jobs, friends, and their own idea of how they want to spend the break. Listen to them, but don’t make them choose between you. See custody schedules by age and custody schedules for teens.

Keep your child out of the middle

The American Academy of Pediatrics warns that children “should not be used as go-betweens or pumped for information as they move between homes.” At the holidays, that looks like:

• Settling the plan with the other parent, then telling the child, in a calm voice, where they’ll be and when.
• Not asking “Where do you want to spend Christmas?” It sounds kind, but it hands a child a choice between parents.
• Letting the child enjoy the other home’s traditions and talk about them without watching your face.
• Keeping schedule arguments off the phone when the child can hear.

For harder conversations, see how to talk with kids about separation and two homes. If house rules differ a lot, read when you and your co-parent have different discipline styles.

Tools that keep everyone on the same calendar

A shared calendar ends most “I thought it was my year” arguments. Some options:

• OurFamilyWizard is built for co-parents. It has a shared calendar with trade requests, a messaging log that keeps a time-stamped record, expense tracking, and an info bank for medical and school details. It’s paid, and some courts order parents to use it.
• 2houses is also made for separated parents, with a calendar, a messaging tool, a shared expense tracker and a place to store documents.
• Cozi is a general family organizer with a free shared calendar and lists. It works for cooperative parents but isn’t designed as a record for court.

Whichever you use, put the holiday schedule in for the whole year, every exchange time included. Weigh the pros and cons of co-parenting arrangements if you’re still deciding how much to share.

If you can’t agree

If there’s an order, follow it, even if you think it’s unfair this year. Keep a record if the other parent doesn’t. If there’s no order, or the order is vague, try mediation before December. Once school lets out, everything gets harder to schedule.

A schedule that stops working as kids grow can be changed. See when you can change your parenting plan and reasons to change a visitation schedule.

Your October checklist

• Read the holiday section of your order and note whose year it is for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.
• Get the school’s winter break dates and write the break as “school out to the day before school resumes.”
• Agree on exact exchange times and places for each holiday, plus a bad-weather backup.
• Share any travel plans and check passports now.
• Put the whole season in a shared calendar.
• Tell your child the plan once it’s settled.

This site is not a law firm, and this is not legal advice. Holiday defaults and custody rules vary by state, so check your state’s rules and your own order, or talk with a licensed family lawyer where you live.